When Idiocy and Reality Collide
by fierysuzaku
Summary: Features a bunch of crack inspired by comedic moments of real life... Characters included are Gokudera, Yamamoto, Tsuna, Lambo, Hana, Haru, Ryohei, Reborn, Nana, Squalo, Bel, Mukuro... and an OC


**Conflicted Perceptions **

_How long has it been?_

_Hours?_

_Days?_

_Weeks?_

He glanced at the clock beside him, he couldn't believe he actually thought he could do this thing.

"Why? Why did I refuse Gokudera-kun's offer to help." He groaned for what was like the millionth time that day as his fingers ran through his spiky hair in frustration.

_Because you're an idiot._

_That's why._

It was one of those projects.

Yes, one of those things the teacher gives his students in some idiotic and idealistic hope that the so called 'challenge' would make his students realize the beauty of math. Not make them silently throw daggers with their eyes when they think he wasn't looking.

Tsuna would normally feel sorry or even sympathy for their Math teacher. He knows their sensei means well so he couldn't seem to join the group that have grown to scorn the poor teacher.

He hates the subject not the person teaching the subject.

But in light of current events, he couldn't help but feel a bit of dislike towards the instructor.

Hey, he's only human.

_Of all the topics, he assigns me to make a report of calculus?_

Until now, he still couldn't believe his predicament.

_I can barely understand basic algebra, and now he assigned me CALCULUS?_

Okay, maybe a bit of dislike, is understating the circumstance a little considering he's been spending a week trying to make sense of the assigned topic.

_Not only did he told us to research on the thing, he also told us that we'd be the ones who's going to lecture on it as well._

_Is he mad?_

A groan of agony escaped him, he's almost done with the body all he had to do is the conclusion.

_Okay, I'm almost there just a few more paragraphs to go. _

Okay, a few is kinda starching it, but he was close.

He's been typing all day, and judging from his progress he wasn't doing too bad. Of course the thing hasn't been corrected yet and only God knows how messed up his grade is going to get if Gokudera doesn't return from Italy soon.

But, as much as he wants some coaching from the genius bomber – who can basically do this thing in his sleep – he can't allow the opportunity to pass. Bianchi just convinced the right hand to meet with their father after so many years of separation.

From what he had found out, he really thinks the two should have a father and son talk.

_Besides, I can't rely on Gokudera-kun too much on these things._

He was resolute, the bomber promised him that he'd return tomorrow so he can get help in polishing the report then.

He took a brief glance at the calendar and realized something.

_Shit._

"You have got to be kidding me." He muttered as he stared at the electronic calendar on the table.

He couldn't get help tomorrow because the deadline _is_ tomorrow.

From that moment on, everything came and melded into a big blurry mess, it was like he momentarily went into Dying Will Mode without the use of a bullet being lodge into his skull.

"Yes, almost there. All I – " he spoke in excitement as he typed in a few more sentences only to be cut off.

Darkness.

"NO!"

He wanted to cry.

He clutched at the black empty screen in utter horror and panic.

A blackout.

"It's official, the world hates me."

The power came back on after three hours of darkness. It was already midnight and he still had to retype the parts where the auto save feature didn't cover.

He didn't know how much his mind could take if the computer didn't save his work.

_I'd probably go insane._

Then again, with the kind of company he's currently in, he'd fit right in.

He finished at dawn.

_It's finally done. All I had to do is print it out_. he thought as he clicked the print button and watch as the pages flow.

RING!

He jolted at the sound, he grabbed his report and ran down to gobble his meal.

"Tsu-kun. What's the hurry?" he heard his mother say as she gave him a glass of water to prevent himself from chocking on the toast he was eating.

"School." He replied as he gulped down the water as proceeded to leave.

"Eh? But today's Sunday." She blinked in confusion.

He didn't know what happened but everything just went all dark.

"Oh my." She reacted as she watched her son slump on the dining table unconscious.

"It's all right, he just forgot to set the year correctly in his electronic calendar." Supplied Reborn, hiding an all too knowing smirk.

**-end-**

* * *

**A Haru-Haru Answer**

Hana is never the type to ask for advice, she asks questions not advice.

"Haru, what happens if you have a crush on a guy but you don't want to?" She questioned the brunette who seemed to be watching something from her laptop.

She was their new classmate who got a recent transfer. The school was pretty much for smart people so Hana decided that it would be best if she approached Haru instead of Kyoko.

The memory of a certain boxer surfaced.

_Yes, Kyoko is definitely out of the question. _

"Hahi, what do you mean Hana-chan." Said Haru as she dislodged a pair of earphones she had been wearing.

"I mean what should you do if you want to forget a guy?" She spoke, stressing out that is was one of those random hypothetical questions.

"I don't know find another crush?" she shrugged in reply.

_As if __**that**__ would work. _She mentally countered, she knows it was useless because she tired that method and failed.

"What should you do if you do find another crush but still like the first one?" she urged on and watched the girl assume a serious air.

"Hey, y– " she was about to say something that were along the lines of saying not to take her words too seriously.

"Then find someone hotter." Haru cheerfully smiled as she gave the fellow brunette a bright grin.

"WATCH ANIME!"

Silenced ensued, what ever reply she was thinking about left her mind as she continued to gape at the spoken words of 'advice'.

"Everything looks better in anime." the hyperactive girl added as she turned her laptop and show Hana a paused scene on what seemed to be a popular shounen anime.

And this was why she NEVER asked for advice and only asked questions.

But even she had to admit, the guys were hot.

**-end-**

**

* * *

**

**A Game**

"If I calculate the wind velocity compared to the distance and the force required, I might just be able to win." He muttered to himself, as he tried to find a solution in his current predicament.

"Give it up baka-dera. I am so going win." Bragged the Bovino youth as he took his turn in the game.

"Shut up you stupid cow, there's no way in hell, I'm going to lose." He replied as both of their greenish gazes cross eliciting spark between them.

"Hey, guys." Greeted Yamamoto as he entered to check on the two, the lack of explosions made him worry. Gianni's recent experiment shorted more than a few system failures and power shortages.

The repairs took a while.

"Uh… what are you doing?" he asked as he tired to figure out the scene before him.

It looked like they were doing something different compared to their usual banter.

"What does it look like, baseball idiot?" the Storm snapped in annoyance as he took his turn in their little game.

It looked kinda fun.

"Ahaha, Gokudera, you doing it wrong. It should be like this." He said as he came closer in order to show them his solution to the game.

"Oi, don't do that! You're too fucking close." Gokudera said as he stopped the taller teen from proceeding.

"Yeah, that's cheating!" piped up Lambo, for once agreeing with Gokudera.

"Oops, sorry, didn't know. This far enough." Said Yamamoto as he distanced himself in the preferred distance.

"Yeah, three feet." Affirmed the bomber.

"Well, here it goes." He said as he took a shot at it.

"Ha, didn't work did it." Jeered the bomber with a distinctive leer upon his Italian features.

"My turn, my turn!" chimed Lambo as he tried again.

They continued on until Yamamoto broke another unspoken rule, sometime he wonders if the two actually took time to make the rules or that they just winged it as they went.

"Hey, you get to do that only once!" reacted Lambo, wearing an obvious look of displeasure.

"Only once? But how – " he tried to argue only to be cut off by Gokudera.

"Hey, if you don't like the rules, don't join. We didn't invite you." He retorted not even trying to hold back any hostility.

"Fine." Yamamoto hated losing, so far none of them were close to winning but just when he though he figured out a way to win it was decreed to be an illegal move.

"HEY GUYS!" They didn't have to turn to know who it was.

"Great another idiot."Gokudera said under his breath as he turned to see the energetic boxer.

"What are you guys doing?" he asked wearing a grin of curiosity and enthusiasm.

It was Yamamoto who explained the game. It took a while so it gave them a bit of needed rest.

"THAT'S SOOO EXTREME! Mind if I join?" his eyes were bright, Gokudera was beginning to think even a speck of dust floating across the room would be EXTREME for the idiot.

"Sure." Grinned Yamamoto automatically ever ready for another addition.

"Hey! Don't go on…" Gokudera tried to protest but the Rain cut him off.

"Calm down Gokudera, it's just sempai." Assured the other as they waited for the boxer to take his turn in the game.

It continued for hours, they didn't expect it to be so challenging. They were some close calls but they weren't enough to win the damn thing.

"Crap, my lungs are burning." He gasped as he tired to take a breath and relax.

"That's what you get for smoking Octopus-head." Commented the boxer with a scolding tone that made the right hand bristle like a cat.

"Shut it, Lawn head, I don't see you making any progress." He spat back, gray green eyes glinting in annoyance.

"Waaahhh, Lambo-san's bored, let's go play something else." Interjected the boy as he separated himself from the group.

"NO!" the three older teens snapped, eyes burning in fiery determination.

In Lambo's point of view the came with a burning background and their towering imposing heights.

"Stupid cow, how can you expect to be the Tenth's Guardian if you give up so easily?" Said Gokudera to the child.

"I don't care, you guys do it. I want some candy." Lambo shrugged it off, leaving the room to find someone who would give him the desired sweets he was craving for.

"So I guess it leaves the three of us then, huh." Blinked Yamamoto turning to the two remaining opponents.

So the game continued.

Until…

"Uh, guys?" he said in a confused tone, his distinctive voice managed to catch the three guardian's attentions.

"Tenth!" Tsuna couldn't help as he noted the right hand's light blush, possibly a bit embarrassed at being caught in such a situation.

"Tsuna!" Yamamoto wore his ever carefree grin, Tsuna didn't bother to try and read through it.

"Sawada!" His Sun Guardian wore a familiar look of excitement that only a challenge could bring.

"What are you doing?" he asked still clearly confused.

"CANDLE BLOWING! THIS GAME, ROCKS! TO THE EXTREME!"

So it ended him up hearing Ryohei's story on how they ended up playing the Candle Blowing game. The rules were simple, blow out the candle using only one breath and at a distance of three feet. He turned to Gokudera – the co-creator of the game – for further explanation. The right hand reasoned out that it was only used to entertain Lambo.

"So where's Lambo?" He raised a brow in askance, while the bomber blushed a bit redder.

**-end-**

**

* * *

**

**Meeting Pal**

"YO! OCTOPUS-HEAD! Meet my new recruit, Pal." Announced Ryohei as he barged into Gokudera's office with a big man in tow.

_This can't be good._ He frowned, considering the boxer's skills in finding recruits the results were never pretty.

"Hi, I'm Pal." Said the guy in a deep voice as he introduced himself.

"Pal, huh. So why did you join the mafia?" he got to the point no use dallying on the formalities.

"TO BE LIKE RYOHEI-SEMPAI, he's so cool!" grinned the large man glancing at the boxer with utter admiration.

"That's it? You joined the Vongola so you can imitate this block head?" he was obviously unconvinced and confused with the choice of a role model.

"How 'bout you? Why did you join the mafia?" Asked the guy, not even bothering to ask who he was talking to.

"I didn't join the mafia, I was born in the mafia." Answered Gokudera, annoyance reaching his tone.

"Oh, so does that mean you grew up wearing suits and stuff?"

"You could say that. So aside from aspiring to be an idiot, what other reasons do you have?" he sighed concluding the guys was as stupid as their Sun.

_Okay, maybe the guy's IQ would be a bit higher. But not that far._

"Ryohei-sempai isn't an idiot! And what other reason should there be?" defended Pal, challenging Gokudera with a challenge of his own.

"I don't know. Maybe serving the Vongola boss?" he didn't bother to hide his sarcasm, judging from the idiot talking to him he might not even know sarcasm let alone notice it.

"You think you're so smart. What's so cool about this boss anyway?"

At the words, he saw the boxer tense, almost ready to act just in case Gokudera might not be able to hold back.

"YOU IDIOT! DON'T YOU KNOW WHO THE VONGOLA TENTH IS?" he was pissed, he didn't bother to hide it.

"Oh, and you do?" Pal blinked, so far he hasn't been able to identify who Gokudera really is.

"Of course, he's the man I had vowed to follow through the end of the earth for." Replied the right hand, instantly tensing in defense.

"You think you're so smart. You just follow him because you're gay for him!" Pal spat out, in the bomber's hindsight he saw Ryohei shift just in case he tries to kill the guy.

"NO! I'm not gay for the Tenth, I'm just willing enough to offer my life and soul for him." He reasoned out, dredging up all the patience the years had given him.

It wasn't much.

He was about to make another retort when he was cut off.

"Wait, what's the other word for 'no'?"

"Eh?" The question left him dumbstruck.

"You don't know don't you. And you think you're so smart." Grinned Pal, showing his bucked front teeth.

"Pal's right Octopus-head. And I thought you were the smartiest person around." Agreed Ryohei, secretly hoping he could lower the right hand's temper a notch or at least find enough time to escape with his guy alive.

He saw Gokudera take out his explosives.

Not good.

"You…" he was seething.

"Senpai's right! Everybody knows the other word for no is yes."

The bombs dropped.

Silence ensued.

Guardian stares were cast at the lone recruit.

Gokudera once thought Sasagawa Ryohei was the stupidest person on earth.

He was wrong.

**-end-**

* * *

**Training with Pal**

_I can't believe this._ He mentally groaned as he watched a familiar large figure with bucked teeth enter the room.

For some idiotic sense of luck the idiot Pal actually managed to get into the trial stage where the Family tires to see if he's actually worth a dime.

"_**Give him a chance Gokudera-kun. He means well." **_

The request echoed in memory, stopping whatever murderous thoughts that came to him.

_It's for the Tenth._ He told himself as he took a calming breath.

"Mr. Gokudera, I didn't know you train here too."

"Sometimes, I practice my aim." He rarely went to the training grounds considering he has his own personal training room ready.

"I understand, so you're practicing to have stronger throw too?"

So far so good.

_The Tenth's right, I should give this guy a chance._

"Yeah, weighted darts. Harder to control and harder to throw." He said showing the man a set of dart while he took aim and threw the dart straight into a bull's eye.

"Whoa, they're heavy." He heard the guy remark a bit too loudly than he liked.

"Che, quiet down. Can't you see I'm practicing?" He reprimanded curtly as he took another dart and took aim once more.

"Yeah, you wanna fill up those skinny arms of yours." The recruit commented.

"WHAT?"

He missed.

"You missed, you have to throw harder. Like this." Said the guy with a bit of arrogance that made the bomber want to pound the living day lights out of him.

Pal threw a dart.

The dart flew.

The dart fell.

"You barely got it as far as two feet." Gokudera deadpanned, hiding a satisfied grin within.

"Senpai said practice makes perfect. PERSEVERE!" he yelled out, mimicking Ryohei's actions a bit too accurately for comfort.

_He wasn't kidding when wanted to be like the Lawn-head._

He decided to ignore him, after all what good would it make if he let this idiot get to him.

He tried again and took aim.

"THAT'S RIGHT OCTOPUS-SEMPAI! PERSEVERE!" the guy shouted in what he thought was moral encouragement.

_I'm going to kill him! _He seethed stopping himself as he resigned to just turn back and leave the moron.

"Where are you going, you must build up your skinny arms and PERSEVERE!" he called out.

Gokudera continued on walking.

_If he says TO THE EXTREME as well. I'm really going to kill him. _he thought in boiling rage.

_No, the Tenth says no. _he told himself.

"OCTO-SEMPAI! You can't leave! YOU MUST PERSEVERE TO THE EXTREME!"

_For the Tenth._

_For the Tenth._

**-end-**

* * *

**Sealing a Deal**

"I must be seeing things."said the Vongola Decimo as he watched the scene unfold once more.

"Nope, it's real." Confirmed the Rain as he joined his boss in watching the video.

"Kufufu, this is quite amusing." Remarked the illusionist as he wore his signature smirk.

"Ushishishi, this is blackmail material." Bel snickered.

"How did you guys get this?" Tsuna asked as he pressed replay just to make sure.

"Security cam." It was Gokudera this time, so far he seemed too calm for this, something told Tsuna he had his fill before he decided to tell the others.

"Oh, um… how, did they…"he trailed off, he knew he should be laughing but this was too weird.

"Get to that?" Yamamoto finished for him.

"Yeah… I expected Lussuria and Onii-san…but…" he spoke are distracted as he watched scene trying to make sense of the thing.

"I know, I didn't expect it to be Squalo." Agreed the baseball fan.

"Well, it started with an argument on which fighting style is better." Yamamoto supplied.

"Of course." He sighed in resignation.

_Everything in this place always starts out from fighting._

Why would this be any different.

"And it escalated to history. To be honest I didn't expect the idiot to even know history." Reported the right hand.

"Which led to a fight, Kufufu." Mukuro said, voicing the obvious conclusion.

"Pretty much." Gokudera shrugged in.

"So… who started it."he had to ask it.

"Ushishishi, it's kinda obvious peasant boss." Answered Bel wearing his wide grin.

"Oi, don't you dare disrespect the Tenth!" reprimanded Gokudera.

"Whatcha gonna do 'bout it dog?" challenged the prince.

As pretty much predicted, it led to a fight of bombs and knives.

He was used to it, so he resigned to watch the video again.

"**VOI! Let's have a rematch!" yelled out the shark, as he extended his gesture of affirmation. **

"**You're on! TO THE EXTREME!" Ryohei yelled out in reply as he moved to seal the agreement by mimicking the gesture in turn, paying absolutely no heed what the image they have projected.**

**Pinkies intertwined, thumbs combined.**

"**PINKY SWEAR TO THE EXTREME!"**

Well, that's one way to seal a deal.

**-end-**

**

* * *

**

**Dark Conclusions**

They were just talking a shower after a day's worth of training and for some reason, the stalls lacked the needed dividers for privacy.

"Ahaha, Gokudera, the kid really worked us up today huh." Grinned the player as they made their way to the showers.

"Save it will you. I'm too tired to put up with your idiocy." Snapped the bomber as he took off his tattered clothes and began his shower.

"Gee, You sure use a lot of shampoo. Hey, is that conditioner?" noted Yamamoto as he joined the bomber.

The comment made a vein pop.

_Just what is he implying?_

"That's because I have longer hair! And yeah, it's conditioner, what's it to you."

"Nothing. Just noticing some things." He grinned, knowing when to stop lest he wants to be partially responsible for the construction of a new shower room.

"Hey, idiot! you gonna share the soap or what?" Gokudera called out, getting the player's attention.

"Huh?" he blinked in confusion.

"What do you mean, 'huh'? The soap you idiot." Replied the bomber, not daring to meet his gaze.

Turns out Gokudera forgot to bring a bar of soap.

"Oh. Here you go. Careful it's slippery." He warned cheerfully.

"I know that! Geez, don't put me on your level of intelligence. It's insulting." Gokudera remarked as he took the soap.

The soap slipped.

"Shit!"

"Ahaha, told you it's slippery."

"Of course it's slippery its soap. And what the hell are you doing?" he snapped as he saw Yamamoto go down on all fours.

"Helping you look for it." He answered as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"Che, I can look for it myself. Just rinse off and let me look for it." Said Gokudera in a huff of insulted pride as he too started looking for the soap in the overly large shower room.

"Okay. Oh, there it is!" he agreed, he then spied the soap and reached for it.

The lights went off.

Someone slipped.

"Shit!"

"Oof!"

_Gianni has to stop playing with those half-baked experiments._

"Crap, you never listen do you." Gokudera swore as he struggled to get up.

_Wait, what's this I'm touching?_

He froze.

"Gokudera." He vaguely heard Yamomoto say.

But…

He was a bit distracted.

_It's soft. But firm._

He tried giving it a little squish.

"Gokudera!" It was louder this time.

_No bony prominence!_

He dared to survey further.

_It has a line!_

Conclusions were made.

_Holy shit! _

"Its"

"Its"

Dare he finish the statement.

"Gokudera, could you get off. You kinda landed on my back. And you're putting a bit of weight on my arm and shoulder. It hurts."

The lights came on.

Gokudera found himself on top of Yamamoto with his hand on the place where Yamamoto's arm and side join.

"Eh? Why's your face all red?" asked the player.

"Shut up! I just fell on my face." He defended.

No way in hell was he going to admit what _his_ conclusion was.

"But I thought – "

"Shut it! Just rinse off and get out already! Let me shower in peace!"

"Okay. Okay. Calm down. Geez, Gokudera it was just the back of my arm. It wasn't like you got my butt or anything."

He didn't say anything nor even conclude anything when he saw his partner blush even redder.

**-end-**

* * *

**A/N:** Yes! Mid terms are FINALLY over! Here's some post- midterm madness... XD So? How was it? Was it even remotely funny? This could pass as a companion to **'Moments of Idiocy'** which featured a bunch of crack as well. Thank you for reading and reviews are always appreciated.

**P.S. **I don't own KHR… I don't even draw that well…

I wasn't kidding when these were inspired by REAL LIFE moments… most were from my younger sister… yeah, life's one big comedy. –.– If you guys want the stories behind these crack stories, just mention it in a review or something and I'll PM it to you… ^^,


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